


Be brave (it'll be okay)

by minkhollow



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Community: personakinkmeme, F/F, First Crush, spoilers for late October-endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 00:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13582299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minkhollow/pseuds/minkhollow
Summary: Take a step back and look at it analytically.Or: In which Futaba realises she's not as ace as she thought she was.





	Be brave (it'll be okay)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Persona kink meme: _Futaba is a baby gay that hasn't really made the connection that her attraction to other women is actually sexual rather than "oh hey she is so gorgeous." And boy howdy is she attracted to tall, curvy Ann._

When Futaba started middle school and her classmates started gushing over boys and she didn’t get it, her mom told her to take a step back and look at it analytically. Sure, this was the time, dictated by hormones, that most people started to notice other people as attractive, but not everyone did, and if Futaba couldn’t understand why all the other girls in her grade were suddenly incapable of not staring at guys, that was all right.

She’s been running on the assumption that she’s asexual ever since. Guys definitely can’t hope to usurp the place computers and hacking and Featherman have in her heart – had before her year and a half of total exile from the outside world, even. Fandom didn’t help either, not when everyone else seems more interested in smushing guy characters’ faces together for makeouts (so not appealing). And now that she has some guy friends, she’s more certain than ever that she’s not into guys. Ryuji has no charm, Inari’s a great friend when he’s not being a total jerk, and Akira… she couldn’t have asked for a better brother-type even if her mom and Sojiro had actually gotten together.

On the other hand, her first real sight of Ann shook her to her core.

She didn’t really take notice of the Phantom Thieves when they insisted on being let into her bedroom (in… large part because she spent most of that time hiding in her closet and only _really_ saw Mona), but even in her blurry peripheral vision, Ann was something, curvy and striking and blonde. She didn’t get a full-on look at her or Queen until she followed them into her own Palace, and… well.

Ann might have some issues with that costume, but Futaba sure digs it on her. Even the boob window. Maybe especially the boob window.

Has she been wrong this whole time? She was so _sure_ about the ace thing, and she desperately wants to ask her mom about it – Sojiro would probably just be really confused, and that might be a step too Dad for where they stand with each other, she’s not sure. How do normal people figure this out? By kissing? She’s not sure if she’s ready for kissing, and if that would make things weird she can’t afford to go that route.

But Futaba’s not normal, and she knows what her mom would tell her, especially now that she can think about her mom clearly. Take a step back and look at it analytically. What would she tell someone else with a huge save file of photos of girls in hot cosplays (that also happen to be technically well-executed)? What would she tell someone else who was interested in digging up info on a female prosecutor’s underwear? What would she tell someone else whose Featherman collection pride and joy was a Feather Pink poster, autographed by Yukari Takeba herself? (Granted, the autograph was sheer chance; she’d happened to be at a facility her mom went to as part of her research, and couldn’t resist a ‘this would mean a lot to my daughter.’) What would she tell someone else who said they couldn’t stop staring at their incredibly hot friend’s boobs?

…She’d tell that hypothetical person that they were really, really, super into girls. Also that they probably shouldn’t look that deep into a prosecutor’s private life and very definitely should not mention that search to said prosecutor’s very protective little sister.

Okay, so that’s question one answered: Turns out she’s less ace and more super into chicks. The second question is pretty easy to answer from there – the only person she really talked to when she was in school before was Kana, and that was before hormones entered the picture. And besides, with the shit Kana’s parents made her do, that probably would have been weird all around. There was no one else she’d have _wanted_ to have a crush on, not when they all thought she was a weird nerd with no tact.

Of course, now she has a group of friends who don’t _care_ that she’s a weird nerd with no tact, most of whom check at least one of those boxes themselves. (Inari might be the only other one who ticks all three, which is why sometimes they get along great and other times it’s a total train wreck.) In fact, they not only changed her heart but went out of their way to make sure she didn’t lose momentum after that. Going out in the world is still super hard mode, but without the others she’s sure it’d be merciless difficulty.

And none of this answers the biggest question. So Futaba has a crush on Ann. What’s she going to do about it now?

***

What Futaba does, almost but not quite entirely unlike the reasonable adult human being she’s trying to be about this situation, is look up every photoshoot of Ann’s she can find online and download the pictures to her computer. That brunette in some of the more recent shoots has one _epic_ resting bitchface, but she doesn’t hold a candle to Panther, and Futaba’s not just saying that because she’s Ann’s friend.

She knows it’s far from an ideal response, but she’s not sure what else _to_ do. Most times she’d ask Akira, but of course this realization hits right smack in the middle of trying to double-cross Akechi, so she doesn’t want to burden him with what’s a pretty frivolous worry in comparison. The plan’s tying up most of Makoto’s brain as well, and Makoto’s the first to admit she doesn’t understand romance at all. Haru’s out, since the arranged-marriage thing has _really_ skewed what she looks for in a potential partner. She can’t imagine asking Ryuji or Inari for advice about this. Mona’s a cat. And Futaba’s no expert, but she’s pretty sure dating etiquette says you don’t pin ‘figuring out whether and how to ask a person out’ on the person you maybe want to ask out.

Or, well. Ask in, more likely. That’s the other thing. Futaba’s not sure what people do on dates if crowds practically give them hives after five minutes (and that’s on a really, really good day; she hasn’t had many of those without Akira, and she’s not gonna make him third-wheel this).

The day before they have to send the calling card to Sae, Futaba’s screensaver rats her out. Thank god, the only person who sees it is Akira, but Futaba still freezes and nearly swats her poor computer shut when she realizes there’s someone lurking behind her.

Akira, being the sometimes-asshole that he is, just smiles a little and pulls at his hair. “She likes desserts and goofy dramas,” he says, and before Futaba can ask what he means by that, Makoto and Inari come in and they’re in full meeting mode.

She doesn’t really have time to reflect on it for a while after that, what with the calling card and the aborted heist and making sure the double-cross actually goes down like it’s supposed to. So naturally, it hits Futaba in the middle of one of those stupid mouse ducts in Shido’s Palace. (First Haru’s dad, now this – gotta love it when these assholes set up their own petard for perfect hoisting by choosing to consider certain people beneath their notice.) He was _giving her tips for a night in_. Has she seriously been that unsubtle about it?

Not that it’d surprise her, see: weird nerd with no tact.

But… okay, sure. Desserts and goofy dramas. Futaba can work with that, maybe fold the goofy dramas in with some of her nerdlord classics so they’re both happy. Whenever she decides she’s leveled up enough to ask that kind of question. Tomorrow, maybe.

Before she knows it, ‘tomorrow’ turns into ‘after the calling card’ turns into ‘after the election’ turns into ‘Christmas Eve.’ The last one is partly because Christmas Eve is a traditional date night, apparently, but mostly because no one feels very festive after Shido confessed on live TV and _fuck-all happened_. It’s disturbing and off-putting and wrong, and not exactly the atmosphere you want to ask your crush out in.

And then Mona says they can maybe solve the problem by spending Christmas Eve diving into the very bottom of Mementos, and Futaba could just about scream. If she didn’t know better she’d say the kitty was blocking her move on purpose.

***

After Shibuya regains its blessed, blessed normalcy… well, they all kind of collapse into hugging each other, and for once Futaba doesn’t feel crowded. It’s hard to feel crowded when you’re just glad you can feel _anything_ , when you and your friends didn’t literally vanish from global cognition after all, when you’ve just kicked a god’s ass and lived to tell the tale. It’d be better if Mona was there with them, but she’ll take what she can get, and she’s sure the others will too.

Akira’s the first of the group to disentangle, saying that he needs to make a phone call. Then Makoto and Ryuji leave (okay, Futaba didn’t see _that_ one coming), and then Haru drags Inari off (that, at least, makes sense, since they’re on the same wavelength more often than not). Unfortunately, this leaves Futaba with her face firmly planted somewhere around Ann’s boobs, and with no backup. It’s heaven and hell all at once – she can’t decide whether she wants to run far, far away or never let go.

“Uh… Futaba?” Of course Ann’s the one to break the silence, since Futaba’s busy working herself into a low-grade panic over this. “Are you okay?”

“I. Um.” Well, she’s not hyperventilating; that’ll have to do. She steps back enough that she can at least look Ann in the face when she does this, assuming she ends up brave enough to pull off eye contact. (This should _not be so hard_ , it’s not like they’ve never met or anything.) “I… was gonna ask this before everything went to hell and we had an epic boss fight to deal with. Um. I rented a couple movies and Akira helped me pick out some snacks and doyouwannacomeoverandstaythenight?”

Ann blinks a few times, and Futaba just prays she actually caught the end of that and won’t make her repeat it. “Tonight? But Christmas Eve is a da—oh. _Oh_.”

Oh god she hates the idea and Futaba’s lost a friend for sure and she should just run now while she still has a shred of dignity—

“You mean I could have asked any time?”

Futaba blinks. “What.”

To her complete and total surprise, Ann’s blushing. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to say something since the beach trip. Well, mostly I was trying to figure out if you were even interested in _anyone_ , and how to balance the fact that I like going out into town a lot with you… still adjusting. Akira said I should just ask and we could figure it out from there, but—”

“But we’ve been kinda busy,” Futaba says, looking at the spot on the square that held a creepy-ass prison door maybe two hours ago.

“Just slightly. I’d love to come over. Even if it doesn’t go past tonight… I don’t think any of us should be alone right now.”

“All right. How about we make like a tree and vamoose, in that case?”

Futaba feels like she’s walking on air all the way back home.


End file.
